Leonard can't drive Sheldon to work, so Sheldon turns to his new friend Penny.
[n] - noun, [v] - verb, [phv] - phrasal verb, [adj] - adjective, [exp] - expression
Sheldon: Good morning, Leonard.
Sheldon: Yeah, we’re going to have to stop by Pottery Barn on the way to work, I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night’s sleep. I don’t like the way Darth Vader stares at me.
Leonard: I’m not going to work.
Leonard: Didn’t I tell you I’d be working nights, and that you’d have to make other arrangements.
Sheldon: You did.
Sheldon: I didn’t. Let’s go.
Leonard: Goodnight, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But how am I going to get to work?
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: I can’t take the bus any more. They don’t have seatbelts.
Leonard: Oh, you’re a big boy, you’ll figure it out.
Sheldon: Don’t talk to me like I’m a child. Now, take me to return my Star Wars sheets!
Sheldon: Penny. Penny. Penny.
Penny: Sheldon, what is it?
Sheldon: Leonard’s asleep.
Penny: Thanks for the update
Sheldon: No, wait. You have to drive me to work.
Penny: Yeah, uh, I really don’t think I do.
Sheldon: But I don’t drive. Didn’t you recently state that you and I are friends?
Penny: Yes, Sheldon, we are friends.
Penny: Oh, dear God.
Sheldon: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was interrupting your morning prayers. When you’re done, we’ll go.
Sheldon: Thank you for driving me to work.
Penny: You know this is my day off, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, good. I’m not keeping you from anything. Your check engine light is on.
Sheldon: Typically that’s an indicator to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: It’s fine, it’s been on for, like, a month.
Sheldon: Well, actually, that would be all the more reason to, you know, check your engine.
Penny: Sheldon, it’s fine.
Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn’t be on. That’s why the manufacturer installed that light. To let you know it’s not fine.
Penny: Uh, maybe the light’s broken.
Sheldon: Is there a “check the check engine light light”? O-o-o-oh!
Sheldon: Studies have shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on a cell phone or drinking coffee while driving reduces one’s reaction time by the same factor as an ounce of alcohol.
Penny: Do you have any alcohol?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Penny: Too bad.
Sheldon: You’re going up Euclid Avenue?
Sheldon: Leonard takes Los Robles Avenue.
Penny: Well, good for Leonard.
Sheldon: Euclid Avenue is shorter as the crow flies, but it has speed bumps, which appreciably increase point-to-point drive time, making it the less efficient choice. But you have the conn. Of course, if you’re not going to slow down for the speed bumps, I withdraw my previous objection.
Penny: How about we just have a little quiet time now?
Sheldon: All right. I’m sorry. I’m finding your reckless nonchalance regarding the check-engine light to be very troubling.
Penny: Get out.