Part 1: The Dunphy family have a contest to see who can last the longest without using the Internet.
[n] - noun, [v] - verb, [phv] - phrasal verb, [adj] - adjective, [exp] - expression
Directions: Choose the expression that best completes the sentence.
Hey. Here you go. Guys, breakfast. Guys? Phil. Hello.
Totally with you. Kids, put your dishes in the dishwasher.
Okay, no. That's it. Everybody, gadgets down. Now!
Why are you freaking out?
Because you're all so involved with your little gizmos nobody is even talking. Families are supposed to talk. What are you doing that's so important?
Oh, I'm locking in my fantasy roster. I'm unbeatable. We're totally getting an aboveground pool.
Die, stupid! Die!
Luke, I told you to put that down. Now. Come on, buddy.
One second. I'm about to beat Dad's record.
You heard your mother.
What is so funny?
Thank you, Haley.
At least we talk.
We have called this family meeting because the personal electronics have gotten out of control. Starting today, there's going to be a one-week ban on all cell phones, texting, IMing, video chatting, video gaming, anything on the Internet.
How am I supposed to do my homework?
The way I did.
With a chisel and a piece of stone.
Can't unplug my funny bone.
I have a huge science paper due.
And we have a great set of encyclopedias somewhere. What do you think the public library is for?
I thought that was the bathroom for homeless people.
Can I still play Plants Versus Zombies?
Are you not listening?
But you learn about plants. And plants are life. Are you against life?
How am I supposed to talk to my friends?
Talk to them at school.
Or at a juice bar.
Or on the house phone.
Nobody even knows our number. I don't even know our number.
You're saying Dad's not gonna go online?
What about fantasy football? Not a problem. My team's set this week. I am completely on board your mother's horse and buggy to yesteryear. For the next week, I may as well be Amish Jebediah Dunphy. Raisin' barns, witnessin' murders, makin' electric fireplace hearths.
This is so unfair!
You know what? We're gonna make this fun, turn it into a game. Whoever stays unplugged the longest wins.
Not what I had in mind, Phil.
What do we win?
What do you want?
I want a new computer.
We're gonna get them off of electronics with the promise of more electronics?
I want chicken pot pie.
I want a car.
I'm getting a car!
Yeah! Fun, right?
No, no, no! Phil, we cannot afford a third car.
Relax. They're never gonna last as long as us.
Oh, honey, don't take this the wrong way but I have almost no faith in you.
Hey! Hi, honey. How was your day at work?
Instead of wasting my lunch hour surfing the Web, checking football stats I put on some mellow music and I meditated.
Wow. For how long?
I have no idea. I just woke up 20 minutes ago.
Hey, Mom. I need a bar of soap and a black marker for an art project.
Okay, well, the marker's over there, and the soap is under the sink.
Isn't it great how much time you have now that you're not wasting it online?
Oh, my God. Is this what you always sound like?
Look what I built, Dad. Dunphy Towers. 200 condos, a happy family in every one.
Way to go, buddy. I gotta hand it to you, honey. Twenty-four hours without video games he's already contributing to society.
To be fair, he's using his imagination.
There's no fire escapes! They cut corners!
I'll cut your corners!
Hello? Oh, hi. Luke, honey, it's for you.
Hi, Griffin. How are you? Yeah, he's right here. Hold on.
Hey, Griffin. Oh, my God.
There's a parasailing donkey video on YouTube.
Oh, my God!
Wait. Luke, what about the contest?
I quit. I'm not made of stone, you know.
I can't believe it. I got a "B" on my paper.
Good for you.
Yeah. No, it would be good for you. It's terrible for me. Thanks to your moldy encyclopedias, my take on mitosis was completely out-of-date. They don't even call it protoplasm anymore. It's cytoplasm.
Well, you could have asked one of us. Now you're making jokes?
I'm not making a joke.
Really? What's the difference between a gamete and a zygote?
Don't fall for it, Claire. She's just making up words.
That's it. I need the Internet. I'm out of your stupid contest.
Hmm. And then there were three.
She's kind of scary.
We're not buying her a car.