Phoebe mugged (robbed) Ross a long time ago. Now she has to tell him the truth.
[n] - noun, [v] - verb, [phv] - phrasal verb, [adj] - adjective, [exp] - expression
All: Hey, hey!
Ross: Hey, you'll never guess what just happened. Phoebe and I got mugged!
Monica: You okay?!
Ross: Yah, because Phoebe knew the mugger!
Monica: How do you know a mugger?
Phoebe: I'm sorry I have friends outside the six of us.
Ross: You wanna know how she knew him? Because Phoebe used to mug people.
Phoebe: Well, I'm not proud of it, but, you know, sometimes when I was living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff I...
Monica: Well, this must've brought back some really bad memories for you, Ross.
Monica: Well, Ross was mugged as a kid.
Phoebe: You were?
Ross: Yeah, it was pretty traumatic. It was outside St. Marc's Comics...you know, I-I-I was just there minding my own business, you know, seeing what kinda trouble Spiderman got into that week-
Monica: Wonder Woman!
Ross: Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery, you know, to pick up a couple of dozen Linzer torte for someone... when out of nowhere this-this, this thug with a pipe jumps out and says: "Gimme your money, punk!"
Phoebe: Oh my God...
Ross: I know! And-and the worst part was they took my backpack which had all the original artwork I had done for my own comic book: "Science Boy."
Monica: Oh yeah! Wh-what was his superpower again?
Ross: A superhuman thirst for knowledge. I'd better get to class.
Phoebe: Ok, I think we have a problem here.
Phoebe: Well, uhm, back in my mugging days, you know, I, uhm, I worked at St. Marc's Comics.
Phoebe: Well, a pipe was my weapon of choice and, uhm, pre-teen comic book nerds were my meat.
Phoebe: Well, there was this one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said-
Phoebe: and Monica "Geology rocks!"
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: I know...I mugged Ross!
Phoebe: Hey, you!
Phoebe: Hey, how was class?
Ross: No one ever asked me that, what's wrong?
Phoebe: Nothing, I really wanna know.
Ross: Oh, well, uhm, there was actually a rather lively discussion about the Pleistocene-
Phoebe: Alright, nothing is worth this. I have, I have a confession to make. Ok, you know that, that girl that mugged you when you were a kid?
Ross: Wh-What're you talking about? It wasn't a girl. It was this-this huge dude.
Phoebe: You don't have to lie anymore, Ross, I know that it was a fourteen year-old girl.
Ross: No, it wasn't.
Phoebe: Yes, it was.
Ross: No, it wasn't. You don't think I would've defended myself against a fourteen year-old...
Phoebe: "Gimme your money, punk!"
Ross: Oh my God, it was you! I can't believe it, you...you mugged me?
Phoebe: Yeah, and I'm so, so sorry, Ross, I'm sorry, but, you know, if you think about it, it's kinda neat. I mean, well, it's-it's just that I've always felt kind of, you know, like an outsider, you know, the rest of you have these connections that like way back and, you know, now, you and I have...have a great one!
Ross: It's not the best!
Phoebe: I know, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I don't know what to say-
Ross: There's nothing you can say. That was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me.
Phoebe: Really? Even more humiliating than-
Ross: Yeah, let's not do this!
Phoebe: Hey, Ross! Ok, look, I know you're still mad at me, but can I just talk to you for a sec?
Ross: Sure, go ahead. Oh, sorry, sure, go ahead.
Phoebe: I just really wanted to apologize again and...and also show you something I think you'll find very exciting.
Ross: Oh my God, crap from the street?
Phoebe: Look, Ross, in this box are all the things I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell...or smoke. Anyway, I was looking through it and I found "Science Boy" (She holds up some sheets of paper and hands them to Ross)
Ross: Oh my God. I never thought I'd see this again. It's all here. What, what made you save it all these years?
Phoebe: I can't say, I just thought it was really good...and-and...maybe would be worth something one day.
Ross: You really thought "Science Boy" was worth saving.
Phoebe: Well, yeah...but you should know, I also have a jar of vaseline and a cat skull in here.
Ross: Still, this-this is amazing...Oh my God, thank you, Phoebe.
Phoebe: You're welcome. And thank you for "Science Boy". I learned a lot from him.