Officer: You know, your visa expires in 20 days, so if I were you I’d make some travel arrangements, otherwise you’ll be coming back here for an extended stay.
Elena: Where is Carlos?
Mike: In the car. This place makes him a little jumpy.
Elena: The agent said they had received reliable information that my status had expired.
Carlos: That is bullshit! Can’t we sue the police, or hire a lawyer or something?
Elena: (in Spanish) No pudemos pudar mi amor.
Mike: What’d she say?
Carlos: No money for lawyers.
Betty: Well maybe I could do it. I’m almost a lawyer.
Carlos: Oh boy.
Betty: There are basically two ways to immigrate into the US: through an employer or family member.
Carlos: We don’t have either one.
Betty: I know. So your only hope is winning the visa lottery.
Mike: What is that?
Elena: It’s a lottery for green cards.
Carlos: And what are our chances?
Betty: About the same as winning the Powerball . The only way you can legally stay in the US is for you to find a US citizen to marry. The same for you, Carlos.
Carlos: It’s not a bad idea. It’s a pretty good idea.
Carlos: Come on, it wouldn’t be so hard to find somebody to marry you.
Mike: We could pay somebody, yeah? I mean...
Betty: They don’t have any money. Neither do we.
Mike: We could chip in.
Carlos: We don’t need any money; they would marry her for free. And I would marry a rich white guy too.
Elena: Are you crazy?
Betty: That’s illegal; you have to marry a woman.
Carlos: Fine! I’ll marry a rich white girl. It doesn’t matter. I’m handsome. What’s so funny? I’m serious.
Mike: No ... that might actually work! I mean I mean, if you're game, I'm game. Why not?
Betty: What wait, this is way over my head. Let’s find a real lawyer.
Betty: You want to what?
Mike: Betty, you said you wanted to help them out.
Betty: Yeah help – donate time to the cause, give free legal advice. But not you.
Mike: This is something I want to do and I know it’s going to be tough. But look, maybe this is something we need.
Betty: This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. We do not need this. Our lives are perfectly fine just the way they are.
Mike: This is Elena, and in this case it really is just a piece of paper. They’re our best friends.
Betty: I know.
Mike: Well, then let’s do it! What’s the worst that could happen?
Carlos: So how long do we have to stay married?
Betty: Two years, that’s a long time. And it’s serious. I have to state again that Congress has devoted an entire act for the penalties in engaging in marriage fraud. I could be disbarred before I even finish law school.
Elena: She’s right. This isn’t something to rush into.
Mike: You’re the one who’s running out of time.
Elena: Marriage is supposed to be a sacred commitment.
Mike: We’ll still be couples. It’s just she’ll be married to Carlos, and I’ll be married to you. Nothing will change.
Carlos: Hey, wait a second. I still have 6 months left on my visa.
Mike: OK, then I’ll go first. Elena, do you want to get married to me?
Elena: I don’t know.
Carlos: I guess it’s the only way.
Elena: You guys are our best friends and to give us this opportunity to remain here together. I don’t know what to say.
Carlos: Then say yes.
Official: By the power invested in me by the state of Alabama, I now pronounce you man and wife. Or woman and husband, whatever be your fancy. You may now kiss the bride. Anytime today son.
Official: What the hell was that? Put your arms around her! Give her some tongue, son!
Elena: We’re just a little shy.
Carlos: Did it flash? You need to kiss her again – it didn’t flash. Sorry man, kiss her like you mean it, like a man.
Official: Right on! Hubba hubba!
Betty: OK, I’ll take a picture.
Carlos: Hold on. Let me get on the other side. Hold on Ok.
Betty: One, two, three
Carlos: Perfect. One with the ring! One with the ring! One more!
Carlos: We’re next, baby!
Betty: Oh, god.
Mike: Ok, Ok, Ok, Ok. She’s still my girlfriend.
Carlos: Take it easy. You just got married. Finally.