Dwight can't handle Jim any longer.
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[n] - noun, [v] - verb, [phv] - phrasal verb, [adj] - adjective, [exp] - expression
Jim: Hey you know what Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo ID taken together.
Dwight: That doesn't make any sense.
Jim: Well it saves time. You know. Cuz we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect.
Dwight: No. I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
Jim: This came out really well. There you go.
Dwight: This is humongous; I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt not Fart.
Jim: What did I write?
Dwight: I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file.
Toby: Talk to Michael - I gave him the Box.
Dwight: What box?
Dwight: God God God God no no no. 4 years of malfeasance unreported - this cannot stand.
Michael: Okay calm down.
Dwight: No you calm down. Whose side is Toby on? Who side are you on? Him or me - I cannot work with Jim anymore either he goes or I go.
Dwight: You choose!
Dwight: One of us is out of here by the end of today!
Dwight: I am not bluffing.
Dwight: Do the right thing here Michael okay I have served you loyally for years I deserve this you know I do
Michael: You know your ID says you're a security threat?
Dwight: You have until 5
Dwight: Oh look Jim - there's a sales position open in Stanford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you because I'll still be working here. Transfer transfer transfer everybody transfer transfer transfer transfer
Michael: Okay you two in the conference room with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out cagematch
Michael: Cage matches? Yeah they worked how could they not work. If they did not work everybody would still be in the cage.
Michael: Okay so Dwight in your own words 'somebody replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert. Everyone has called me Dwayne all day I think Jim Halpert paid them too.'
Jim: Yes five bucks each and it was totally worth it
Michael: This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert try to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer. Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room, when I went to save the child I saw Meredith on the can. This morning I knocked myself in the head with the phone.
Jim: That actually took a while. I had to put more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight and then I just took them all out.
Michael: Everytime I type my name it said diapers.
Jim: Just a simple macro. You know these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it though.
Michael: By the end of the day my desk was about to feet closer to the copier.
Jim: Yeah I just moved it every time he went to the bathroom and that's how I spent my entire day that day.