Oscar+Charlotte 1: Oscar takes some critisism from his friends for dating a woman much younger than him.
[n] - noun, [v] - verb, [phv] - phrasal verb, [adj] - adjective, [exp] - expression
Allyson: Cute! Okay, now let's do a pouty face. Oh, my God!
Oscar: Even duck-lipped, we are one cute couple.
Allyson: This one is so going on Instagram.
Felix: Would you like me to take a photo of you two? I am a professional photographer.
Allyson: That's still a thing? If everyone's got a camera, why would you need that?
Felix: Good question. Remind me to order my coffin later.
Emily: Oh, Felix. These guys and their younger women. Am I right? So how'd you guys meet?
Oscar: Allyson's a nanny in the building, and we kept running into each other in the elevator. So one day I said, "You're great with kids, I am a kid, let's do this thing!"
Allyson: How could I resist?
Felix: Did you try pepper spray?
Allyson: You know what? I will have some wine.
Felix: Can I see some I.D.? Again, I kid.
Allyson: Our photo on Instagram already has 31 likes.
Oscar: Oh, that's great! Do we get money for that?
Emily: I'm on Instagram. Emily_is_cool is my screen name. Whatevs.
Allyson: I need to use the little girl's room.
Felix: She said it, not me.
Oscar: Make all the young jokes you want, Allyson makes me happy. Which I know annoys you, which just makes me happier, which makes you annoyeder, which I know isn't a word.
Emily: She is a little young, Oscar, and... Sh-She followed me. Allyson just followed me. I'm going to follow her back. I'm doing it... I did it. We're followers.
Felix: Must I remind you of your recently stated desire to mature and to grow?
Oscar: I am. I'm taking it slow. Dating Allyson is easy. And that's all I'm looking for right now.
Allyson: Bad news. Charlotte just got called into a work thing and her ex is out of town, so I have to go up and watch the kid.
Oscar: Oh, really? Her boss is the worst. Miss Fancy Pants PhD thinks she's the smartest person in the room.
Felix: When she thinks this, are you the only other person in the room?
Alliyson: I better get up there.
Oscar: I'll escort you. This building can be pretty dangerous at night.
Felix: That's right. I heard there's a dirty old man riding in the elevator.
Charlotte: I didn’t know it was Bring-your-father-to-work Day.
Allyson: Come in! I have a present for you.
Oscar: Oh, no, I really should go and not, you know, be in there.
Allyson: Don't be lame! Get in here.
Charlotte: So, Oscar, can I offer you a drink? I have some great 20-year-old scotch. Or is that too old for you?
Oscar: I get it because she's younger than me.
Charlotte: Oh, there are rocks younger than you.
Oscar: Allyson may be young in age, but she's an old soul and... oh, no.
Allyson: I made him for you at Build-A-Bear! See? You both like baseball, and you're both so fuzzy-wuzzy.
Charlotte: So cute!
Allyson: Let me get a shot of you guys. I'm gonna check on Evan. Bye, baby.
Oscar: Okay, clearly you have an attitude about me dating Allyson. But you know what? To me, age is just a number.
Charlotte: Yes, and if you subtract Allyson’s number from your number, you still have a number older than her.
Felix: Okay, why are you wasting your time with this Allyson girl?
Oscar: What are you talking about, man?
Felix: Charlotte is perfect for you. She's beautiful, intelligent, funny, and might I add once again, age appropriate..
Oscar: But all we do is insult me.
Felix: That's just snappy banter. Even when you're bickering, you have chemistry. Like Beatrice and Benedick. Valmont and Merteuil. Han Solo and Princess Leia.
Oscar: Oh, okay. Yeah, I admit there may be a little stirring when I see her in my... nether places. But it doesn't matter. I'm with Allyson, and that's going great.
Felix: Oscar, Oscar, Oscar...
Oscar: Felix, Felix, shut up.
Felix: Allyson is nice, but Charlotte is exactly the kind of woman you need in your life: a strong woman who can stand up to you.
Oscar: I was already married to one of those.
Felix: Exactly. That's your type: a real substantial woman.
Oscar: Allyson and I do have snappy banter. Watch this. There she is!
Oscar: What's the word, pretty bird?
Oscar: What's shakin', bacon?
Allyson: Why are you talking all, like, weird?
Oscar: Oh, here we go. I love this back-and-forth between us.
Allyson: Oh, my God, that photo of you and Bear has 200 likes! Two hundred and one!